I’m in a rut and I can’t get out. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish I’d listen to myself more often. I really need to learn to value my own advice and to actually put it into action rather than trap it in my mind. I’ve never had to deal with this sort of temper problem and I don’t want to ever. You just get way too out of hand about every little thing. I shouldn’t have to be yelled at every day by the person who should be allowing me to experience the most happiness. You wonder why I don’t want to always be around you. It’s because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of whether the next step I take, the next word I speak, the next move I make will be the wrong one. The action that will cause another fight, since that’s all we’ve been doing lately. Your words cause me to completely shut down and lose hope. I begin to reconsider my decisions but then you change. I feel like I’m on a constant rollercoaster with you. I love you and then I can’t stand to even be near you. I’m just stuck. I wish you would listen to me whenever I say I need space. I just need some air, not for a day, for a week…maybe even more. Just some time to be around friends and family, those who I know won’t criticize my actions. I just wish you would understand at least once.